A Reflection of Then
by Sahfas
Summary: Just a pondering on the long-term effects the Kyuubi’s power might have on Naruto if they were ever to merge together. Rated for attempted angst. One-shot.


Description: Just a pondering on the long-term effects the Kyuubi's powermight haveon Naruto if they were to evermerge. Rated for attempted angst. 

Notes- :prods ficlet: Well, this was written... um, a while ago...? December 23, 2003 is when it says to have been created (Wasn't that back in the 190ish range of manga chapters?) ... Meh. I forget where the idea came to me for this, and I haven't reread it for structure issues or anything. There shouldn't be too many spelling errors, I hope, though I'm not quite sure about grammar. I went back and forth on writing this a few times, so I might not have caught all the sentence structure changes I made.

Is this spoilerish? Probably not. I recall trying to be vague on plotlines from the manga since my focus was on Kyuubi's effects, not plot construction.

Anyway, I'll shut up and let you people read, comment, and the like.

Oh yes, this new formatting of ff-dot-net must be eaten by Domo-kun, cause this is just stupid. :domo:

EDIT: Fixed a few spelling errors I saw. Tell me if there are more error, please.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto Masashi does though. I just claim credit for the (depressing) idea in this fic.

A Reflection of Then  
By: Sahfas

* * *

Nobody thought I would ever do it. They figured I'd give up after so many years and become just a regular shinobi. Or perhaps they hoped I would go berserk so then they'd have an excuse to execute me. Heh, I'm sure they would've enjoyed that. Whatever the case, all of Konohagakura were astonished once they heard the news that I had been appointed Rokudaime Hokage. The proclaimed loser and nuisance of the village, the devil child carrying the Demon Fox inside of him, as the leader of their village. What a though that was. At age twenty-five, I Uzumaki Naruto of the Konohagakura, had achieved my life long dream. 

Those who knew me gave me their confidence, of course, especially Sakura. Sweet, caring Sakura who had grown into a fine woman. I remember her smiling so proudly that day, holding our daughter in her arms. Such a cute child she was, the perfect blend of Sakura's large green eyes, and a mop of pale, messy orange hair, courtesy of me. For a while I had been a bit afraid that she would've inherited something of Kyuubi's abilities.

It was a bit of a struggle at first when I took office. While the village no longer outright showed their disdain of me, they still were wary that the destroyer of their village was now their leader. People feared and envied the monstrous amount of chakra I could tap into. They had a right to, in some ways. Even now it is sometimes difficult to quell the feral instincts of the Kyuubi, the instincts that had become mine.

However, that power and hindsight came with a price. We had known there would be some repercussions from fully merging with the Kyuubi two years earlier. The added strength, speed, senses and overall physical characteristics had been expected. The extra chakra control and stamina had been welcomed, boosting my already high succession in battles, and the quick regeneration abilities I had gained were something envied by many of my peers and superiors. And it had also disturbed many to see my once lively and determined azure eyes blaze a red fiercer than the Sharingan, and seem to burn as hot as the sun when I called forth even the slightest bit of chakra. I don't doubt that they had feared me even more then. It had been quite amusing at first, too.

Yet it wasn't those altered details that were so particularly feared. I had wanted to be acknowledged as a child. I had sought to prove myself a valued and great shinobi. I had strived to show my village that I was just like everyone else, that I was not a monster. But I was. Not long after I fully merged with the Kyuubi, there were times when the primal instincts would well and boil within me, craving for red rivers of carnage and destruction. Even something as dangerous as that had been foreseen as a 'side-affect' of the great Nine-tail's powers. I had a way to combat that aspect, of course. Hunting far out in the expanse of the forest where no one lurked gave my new primal side a place to vent and 'run wild' until I had everything back under control.

Even so, Kyuubi, the ethereal being of fire and rage, had one other ability, something that had not occurred to anyone until the effects became apparent. And it was not something that could easily be spotted early on, either. It took nearly twenty years after assimilating the fearsome creature before it was noticed. The Kyuubi, apparently, had a long lifespan. Moreover, **_I_** now had a long lifespan. While Sakura and everyone had aged normally, I still looked as I had when receiving the title as Hokage, though perhaps only a few years older.

I tried not to let it bother me, and for the most part it didn't. However, I could see in Sakura's pale eyes that it troubled her. While she and our children aged along with the village, I remained my youthful self. It was a bizarre sight for an outsider of the village to see the youthful Hokage married to a middle-aged woman and to have a daughter that was old enough to be a sister. I knew that it bothered my family and friends. We all knew that I would continue to live one they had left the physical plane. They knew, but they still cared.

I really do miss their company.

I have seen through a number of power conflicts between villages, natural disasters, the crumbing of forgotten villages, and the prospering of young communities. Technology has even become greatly advanced through the years, so much that there are now weapons that are as effective in combat as low-level jutsu. The battlefield is no longer determined by skill alone. It was harder to protect one's village when even a simple person with no shinobi background could easily kill a Jounin.

I had been happy for a time. I had achieved all of my goals when I received the title as Hokage. I had friends, people I could trust and rely on. I had a family, a beautiful wife and children, and I was respected by my village, my... people. I had gained everything I ever desired. Now, after all these years, there is one more thing I desire, only one thing I wish for with all of my being.

Release.

I wish to be with my dear Sakura-chan again, my friends, my children, and everyone that I knew. I tire of watching history replay itself, and see those that I've grown attached to fade away, even as I remain as I was decades ago. It's not a pleasant feeling to see one's great-grandchild be born, and then die half a century later.

I wish for freedom of this power and strength that so many people wanted and feared in my youth. It had been a savior in my younger days, but now it is just a curse that causes me nothing but misery. If I had known the final consequences of obtaining such power during the time of Orochimaru's encounters, I would've happily given it to Itachi or anyone else who desired it. It's not worth seeing my friends and peers within their own descendants, having to see them but never able to talk to them. Because, my friends and family are dead, and there is no one around who would understand the pain I am going through.

I am just a relic of the past, someone who has seen too many days, too many deaths and hardships. I am a forgotten age of when life was simpler and the fastest attacker would survive. I have nothing from then, just memories. People tell me that I look too much on the past, that I am some idealist trying to bring the old age back again. But.. that is what I am.

A reflection of then.


End file.
